What to Expect: A Post-Abroad Laundry List of Feelings

AIFS Student Blogger, Steven Vargas, talks about his own emotional process after returning from studying in London at Shakespeare’s Globe.

SHOCK & SADNESS

• Wow, I am really back?
• Why are people driving on the other side of the street? Oh wait, that’s how it’s supposed to be.
  • I almost got ran over because I looked the wrong way when crossing the street.
• I stepped back into my dingy apartment to my dead succulent. My roommate forgot to water it. I ended up crying because of something so small. In reality, I was just sad I was back home and wanted to go back.
  • A tear.
• I saw my water bottle I bought in the airport.
  • I cried.
• A friend I made in London texted me asking how my day went and if I was back home.
  • I sobbed.
• When I went to take a shower, I dug out a pound and few pence from my pocket.
  • I lost it.

MADNESS

• I resorted to my friend’s place to rant about my roommate for messing up the apartment. Reality is, it was the roommate before him that did it. At the moment, I enjoyed blaming it on him.
• I got on my computer and started finding other opportunities to go back to London.
• I, then, furiously planned when I’d go back to the floral bodega to get another succulent, hoping the owner would not get mad at me when she finds out I killed the other one. I only met her once, but I felt we really connected.

REMINISCENT

• I messaged all of the friends I made in London about what I was going through. They understood.
• I talk obnoxiously about my time in London.
• It is always on my mind and I ease it into almost every conversation.
  • I’m incredibly obnoxious.

SECOND WAVE SADNESS WITH A LITTLE MADNESS

• Every time my friend from London texts me, I wither a little.
  • I cried a little bit more.
• I grabbed a journal I bought in the UK and saw the symbol for the British pound on the back.
  • I got even more sad.
• I walked into a Starbucks expecting to find a toasty.
  • I got a little furious, but also broke down a little bit.
• My boss brought in a container with an 18 count of croissants. They were a sad replacement for the ones you can find at every bakery in London.
  • I wanted to throw them at the wall.
• Looked at my bank account and realized how expensive not working for a month got.
  • Plotted a way to pay for first month’s rent in my new apartment in August.

DETERMINATION

• I told myself I will make it back to London.
• I don’t know when.
• I will have to work just as hard to make it back.
• I am working hard to make it back, because my story in London does not end here.